16 September 2017

Getting nostalgic about... nostalgia!

It started when I was in college. By this time of the year, right around Diwali, a strangely nostalgic feeling would come over me. I could never point out what was I really getting nostalgic about, but I felt it anyway. It was poignant, as all nostalgia is, but it was also something else. It was beautiful.

In the evenings every now and then a gentle gust would feel ever so slightly crisp and dry and would even smell different. It brought with it all those bitter-sweet feelings and memories. The chill and the emotions often gave me goosebumps. I also remember feeling a sense of anticipation of something very happy around the corner (the festival, but something else too that I could never explain). 

I have a distinct memory of standing alone in the balcony of my hostel room one evening after dark, the room still dark behind me, watching the lights coming on in some of the other rooms. A nippy breeze blew past and I suddenly felt a surge of emotions: nostalgic, happy, and lightweight. It was as if my habit of obsessing over tiny things had vanished and I felt relaxed and free. I can recall the feeling very clearly to this day and it makes me happy inside. :-)
Ah, good old days! (see what I did there: getting nostalgic about nostalgia itself)

I think I've grown to be more and more cynical and less jaded about all things good. Experience with lots of things over time shows you the less-than-pretty, and more importantly, temporary nature of everything. So I think I am less susceptible to get emotional about all this now.
But man, back in the day it all felt so good! I was young and foolish and had dreams, wishes, and fantasies. They kept me happy and hopeful. I could allow myself to enjoy such emotions and feelings. It was easier to let my guard down and just enjoy little things in life (music, movies, and hanging out with friends being a few).

Not anymore. Sigh!

Anyway, Diwali is around the corner again and I look forward to meeting nostalgia again when I head home for Diwali next month!

Enjoy the changing season! Leave a comment here if you have a similar experience or memory.


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